The Power Of Positive Thinking

When we think positive, we are creating a garden of beautiful thoughts in our mind.

Thinking positive doesn't just mean having only positive thoughts, either. Positive thinking is not just thinking about the good things in life - it is about turning the bad things, the negatives, into learning opportunities, into roots for growth.

Happiness is a state of mind, and when we learn to alter our perception, to see things from a different point of view, that is when we have mastered positive thinking.

Positive thinking sets you free. Positive thinking is letting go, being at one with yourself, being at peace with the world. It's accepting those around you without judgement, accepting yourself without judgement, just being. 

Having gratitude. Being kind. Knowing, in our hearts, that everything will be okay. 

Positive thoughts then become a sort of beautiful. Not a conventional kind of beautiful, not a physical beauty - just something that is noticed instinctively, and admired immediately. 

But, having said that, those beautiful thoughts do end up showing up on ourselves. They manifest into our exterior. It's as if our soul awakens, is reborn, and we begin to carry this light around with us wherever we go. This beacon of hope. Of possibility. Of love.

Our beautiful thoughts not only show up on our faces in the form of a smile, but they also subtly appear in the form of our actions. When we think positive things to ourselves, we naturally become them, we act on behalf of them, thus our actions become beautiful. Our kind, warm actions to others. To ourselves. To the planet. It is in that moment, that it is not only our minds that are beautiful.

We become beautiful.

Extract from my 'Visual CBT' Book

"CBT is problem focused and practical - its aim is to help you get better in the long term, which is done through changing your unhealthy beliefs to their healthy counterparts. The process of change requires repetition, consistency and vigour in the application of the healthy beliefs. This means you will think and act in accordance with your healthy beliefs even though it will feel uncomfortable at first. It is completely natural as emotional change as emotional change takes time and comes last after the change in thinking and behaviour. Understanding does not create emotional change. If you were to read a book on how to drive a car, understanding that does not transform you into a competent driver instantly. You would have to apply what you understand, i.e, getting into the car, accepting it will feel uncomfortable and challenging at first and mistakes can be made but by being determined and persistent you will begin to feel comfortable."


- I really liked this bit, and thought it was a perfect example of how understanding needs to be turned into action for results. So thought I would share it!

Big News!

Hi!

So, I figured it's been sort of a while since I last posted on here - but I have some news to share with you all about a new blog I've just started! :-)

When I last posted on here, I mentioned how I wanted to start something new for 2013 - originally, it was just going to be some added features on this blog, but instead, I decided to start fresh and create a new one dedicated entirely to my personal style, beauty, and fashion.

It's called emiliciastyle.blogspot.co.uk, and since I've only just started it out, I'm going to be testing it first. I really just want to get a feel of the whole fashion/beauty journalism thing, and since a fashion journalist is kinda what I'm aspiring to be in the future, I'm making sure I try it out now, just to see whether I actually enjoy it and can get the hang of it. It's obviously just for fun again, but I'm excited about it and enjoying having it so far - so hopefully it will last. Watch this space!

So go on over to the link, follow it if you can, subscribe by email, whatever - and a lot more posts will be coming your way shortly!

Have a fab day

Emily x

This Week's Inspiration!

Have a good week x

Em

Jealousy: That Green Eyed Monster

Let me start off this post by saying I, Emily Friday, am a jealous person. I am a typical Scorpio, and I have had these jealous traits for as long as I can remember.

Even when I had just started primary school, the jealous feelings towards others had already kicked in - I remember one of my classmates, a beautiful girl, long blonde hair, seemed perfect, boys loved her and she had so much confidence. It's amazing really how I picked up on these things from such a young age, but the jealousy overtook me. At first, I felt admiration towards her. I wanted to be her, I wanted to be friends with her. But, as it turned out, she had a pretty ugly personality. She was sometimes mean to me during school, even high school, and I suspect she was like this with a lot of people. I suppose that's when my feelings towards her turned to jealousy - I didn't like her as a person, in fact I was close to hating her, but for some reason I was still so jealous of her. Her beauty, her confidence - it almost didn't seem fair that such a horrible girl like her be blessed with such good looks. Yet, her confidence obviously landed her a lot of friends, and everybody seemed to like her, which I could never really understand. It wasn't just this girl I was jealous of though, - even my close friends I felt envious towards, and it was something deep rooted inside of me, my own insecurities, that made it so hard to control.

I think, ever since then, my self-esteem and worth in myself has been hugely affected. I've never valued myself enough - if it wasn't that girl I was comparing myself to, it was another one, always someone prettier, better, cuter etc. I was never comfortable being myself. I always wanted to be someone else, or at least a better version of myself. For some reason, I just never felt like I was enough, that I was good enough, because I was constantly comparing myself to other girls.

Over the past few years, I've learned to silence that green eyed monster inside of me more often. I think it got easier once I left school, as I was able to stop comparing myself to other girls on a daily basis, and it felt like the competition of being the best looking girl was finally over. That's all it ever felt like to me, to be honest. Constantly having to compete with others was exhausting!

Apart from that, those feelings of jealousy only propped up occasionally, or whenever I was exposed to media and unrealistic ideals of women's beauty. I became more accepting of my own looks, and trying to be me instead of someone else, but tonight, these exact feelings that I had always experienced in school resurfaced again.

I was casually on Facebook, just browsing people's profiles. I actually stopped doing this as much as well, once I left school - Facebook is always a great cause of jealousy, I think, as we become envious and more aware of other people's popularity, confidence, looks etc. It's ridiculous, really, social networking sites don't represent our real lives, yet we all fall gullible to it and then begin to question our own lives because of it!

But anyway, I came across this girl's profile, and I think I have actually seen her before. Not in person, but I think I remember seeing her facebook a few years ago - I'm not friends with her on there, but I somehow found it again, and honestly, the gorgeousness of this girl is unreal. As soon as I click onto her profile pictures, there's tons of amazing photographs of her, and I'm immediately sucked in into the jealousy/self-hate spiral. I can deal with pretty girls - I've learnt to accept that there will be other pretty girls in life, and that I am pretty myself, but this doesn't matter and shouldn't be a reason for me to be upset. What really irked me about this girl though, however, is that she appears pretty much perfect. I know she probably isn't, underneath all the make-up, hair, and fake tan, but nonetheless  she looks flawless. She has perfect hair, a perfect face, a perfect body, the lot. And to me, I didn't even think perfection on that level of physical attractiveness existed, unless you were a celebrity and insanely rich. But here she was, with an amazing dress sense, 100+ likes on her photos, and boys falling to her feet. The jealous little girl in me rose back again, and I immediately hated this girl. What annoyed me about her, especially, was the fact that she dressed in very skimpy clothes, almost slutty, and I therefore assumed she must of been a slag. Even if she wasn't, she was portraying herself in this way, obviously to desperately seek the attention of guys, and this irritated me. I already don't have much respect for girls who dress and behave in that way, I have a hard time liking them, and therefore took an immediate dislike to this girl. However, as much as I didn't like her for this reason, there was no denying that she was absolutely beautiful. As much as I tried to put her down, find flaws in her, it didn't change how she looked, and it didn't make me any prettier.

After this, however, I suddenly felt very inadequate about my own looks. I started to see myself in a new light, almost in a derogatory way compared to her, and I believed that because I didn't look like her or look as good as she did, this made me unattractive, and simply meant I wasn't good enough. As well as this, I just felt an overwhelming sense of pity, started feeling sorry for myself, and almost felt like it was unfair that this girl could be blessed with such good looks, whilst I'm here, looking the way I do.

All of this just made me wonder - why is it I feel the way I do? Such hate and rivalry to girls who are more physically attractive than me, in my opinion, and why is it so hard for me to deal with? I found this article about women feeling jealous of other women, and it really spoke to me. It made me realise so much actually, about myself, and the whole emotional feeling of jealousy to begin with.

It kind of made me realise that this girl, the girl from my school years ago, and every confident, attractive woman I've ever seen, is all I've ever wanted to be. It's not necessarily that I want to look exactly like them - but I want to be like them in the sense that they are authentic to themselves and really embrace their beauty and uniqueness. I hated this girl because she's doing everything I've wanted to do - she's living how she wants to live, looking how she wants to look, embracing everything about her looks and what she's been given, living confidently in her own skin - everything I want to do, but have been too scared to. We are seeing other women being true to themselves, expressing their individual style and beauty, and when we realise that we haven't been doing the same, this drives us to jealousy. We've not been giving ourselves what we want.

I think once I start to fulfill my own authenticity, be true to myself, and fully embrace the beauty of my unique self, then those feelings of jealousy towards others will eventually begin to disappear. I've always found it hard to make friends with other girls for the exact reason of competition of rivalry, but really, we should admire those who embrace themselves like this, and use them as inspiration for ourselves.

I'm really going to make the effort in embracing who I am, dressing how I've always wanted to, basically being me, but to my full potential. I look forward to fully basking in my beauty, individuality, and femininity! :-)

Update (2013)

Hi!

So I know I'm a bit late with writing on this blog again - sorry!
Following from December, when I first started the self-love project, I guess my life got a bit more busy and hectic than normal. Well, I suppose it was once christmas came, then there was new years, and starting January etc..hence why I hadn't found the time to write about my experience with the project. But, here I am now, and that's what tonight's post will be about!

I guess not too much has changed regarding my body image, if I'm honest. I mean, for one thing, I didn't stick with the rules of the self-love project religiously - after about a week or two the rules became slippy and I either..

a) Forgot them
b) Became preoccupied with other things

Or probably a mix of both! I'm not gonna lie, insecurities crept up again, self-hate spirals, the lot. But, that's not to say I hadn't tried my hardest. Of course there's gonna be days where I won't love myself so much - but I think that's a part of life, and all I'm trying to deal with right now, is getting past the extremely bad days, and be more accepting of who I am.

Honestly, I think the problem lies in me giving too much thought to the whole thing. Perfection, physical beauty, yawn. It's gonna get old eventually! And, what's funny is, I've realised that the only reason I've even obsessed so much over my looks before is because I haven't had much else to worry about/preoccupy my mind with. Whilst everything else in my life has been running pretty smoothly, it's almost as if I needed something to worry about and focus on, and I think that's when the whole obsession with my appearance began again.

Despite not completely succeeding with the whole self-love thing, I sure did learn a lot. I wrote numerous posts even about my journey with it all, and coming to terms with things about my body. Maybe, the most important lesson of them all, was learning not to care so much about my physical appearance in the first place. It's not the most important thing, attractiveness only gets you so far (attractive personalities can help provide more meaningful relationships) and flaws just don't matter. There are plenty of other, more important things in life to focus on, like happiness, loving relationships, careers etc. And being flawed just makes us human. Trying to be perfect is simply a waste of time and emotional energy.

But, even though the self-love project is now over, I will be taking a few things on board and carrying them with me into my life from now on, and into my future (or at least try!). These are the main things I will try my best to do:

• Believe that I am beautiful
• Be beautiful on the inside - be kind and warm to others and myself (that's where beauty starts!)
• Don't spend so much time and energy into my looks - focus on other aspects of my life more, work at building them up and living a more meaningful life
• Love myself as much as I love others

So those are the main, few things anyway - pretty simple and hopefully not too hard to remember!

As for my blog and what kind of posts I'll be doing from now, I've got some new ideas in mind for 2013. Rather than just blogging about random and usually appearance-related stuff, I'm thinking of separating my blog into categories, and have posts dedicated just for advice, maybe some for beauty or style posts, tips, random quotes etc. I've wanted to do a beauty blog for ages - I've just always thought that you needed a shit ton of money to do expensive make-up tutorials, but there's no harm in sharing what I know! And I think posting photos on my style could be pretty cool too..we'll see!

Watch this space!!

Emily x

P.S Check out this great article on feeling beautiful - I love the tips! 

Rant

Written 15/12/12

This post isn't going to be like the rest of my blog and how its been recently, but I needed somewhere to vent tonight

I sometimes feel like I have a huge burden and weight on my shoulders to be happy all the time. To be constantly smiling, constantly motivated, always moving forward and improving myself in every way that I can.

Whilst I usually try to do all this everyday, it's extremely difficult trying to keep it up. I cried tonight. I actually can't remember the last time I did cry, but it felt good. Honestly, i feel a lot better after it, and I think its made me realise some pretty important things.

Things weren't good at home before. Well, it's never 100 percent perfect, as no family ever is, but usually things are ok and I can deal with the most part.
However, listening to arguments and witnessing the amount of stress in this house is having an effect. I've been exposed to a lot over the years, a lot nobody could ever experience or imagine, and it definitely takes its toll on me. Things weren't so bad, but it made me upset. And I just got this sudden, overwhelming urge to cry. I was already feeling randomly depressed out of nowhere, and I was in that sort of mood where I just wanted to sit down and not deal with the world or my feelings,I wanted to be able to cry but couldn't, but it was something about this encounter with one of my family members that just sent me over the edge. I became so angry and it felt like I had all this pent up rage building inside me, and then before you knew it, I just went somewhere alone and started to cry. I allowed myself to, though - there was no holding back, I genuinely felt like I needed to, so I did.

I know what caused the tears, really. It wasn't just this argument and anger from listening to my family, it was more or less a mix of everything. A mix of every little thing I've been dealing with in my life at the moment, things I've dealt with in the past and still having to deal with, and anxieties about the future. I was overwhelmed. That is the only way I can explain it. Sometimes, you just get to a point where you are so mentally and physically exhausted of everything, that you just lose control and break down.

As well as family stuff, I'm constantly having battles with myself every day. Self esteem issues, trying to improve my confidence, setting goals for myself in every aspect of my life and trying to achieve them - its not easy. I'm trying to let go of the past and move on from things that have hurt me whilst trying to considerably improve my present and plan wisely for the future.
I have to push myself every day to maintain a positive frame of mind, I try to make decisions that will benefit my well-being the most, and I genuinely make an effort nearly every day to be the best me I can be.

But its not just myself that I have to deal with when trying to keep positive - its other people, too. I obviously demonstrated this with the family situations, but I find myself often being disappointed by others, and it really hinders my outlook on life and inner happiness. When people let me down I find it so difficult to keep that positive attitude, especially when I expect so much from them, and I try not to care and try not to let it bother me but I can't deny that it sometimes does, and how much I get frustrated at it. Whether it be friends turning out to be not-so-real friends after all, ex lovers becoming things you never thought they would be, and not being treated with decency, respect, and kindness in general. Kindness and respect that I know I so fully deserve.

Whilst others and I have noticed an improvement in my confidence over the past year, I still have a long way to go. I'm proud of what I've achieved and how much I've attempted at keeping this positivity thing going, but I think somehow, along the way, I've got caught up in that spiral where everything has to run perfectly, and I have to be perfect with everything I do in life.

For some reason, it seems like people, including myself, are ashamed of their own sadness. Ashamed to admit their failures or past mistakes, ashamed to admit their struggle or confess to needing help. We all want to feel like we can deal with things ourselves, but I think its got to the point where everybody feels pressured to be doing perfectly all the time, never feeling sad or mad, and always being happy.
I guess its because people want to be liked, and nobody likes to be around those who are constantly negative and always complain yet never do anything to help themselves, but I think there is a difference.

Showing emotion and being yourself, and I mean really expressing yourself without holding back in fear of judgement, can be a very attractive thing. At least to me, it is.
When someone brings down their walls for you, let's you into their life and shows you the darker parts, I think there's a certain degree of trust there, and realism.

I think people should be more open about their struggles. Its no wonder that we all feel terribly guilty for ever being in a bad mood and beat ourselves up pointlessly for it. We all feel like we shouldn't be feeling this way, even though its perfectly normal to feel these things sometimes.

By not being honest about how you feel, especially with yourself, you're building up all this pent up emotion inside of you, and keeping it there. Pretending to be happy all the time and acting as if things are fine, without ever acknowledging any of your problems or trying to solve them, is only going to end up making you feel more stressed and heavy inside.

I think, at some point these past few years, I learnt that I shouldn't acknowledge these bad feelings at all - I should always strive for the best, be the best, and never let my guard down with anyone. Never show that I'm hurt. I think I've learned this from other people, and while its helped me in achieving goals and making things happen with my life, its not helped my happiness as I have kept all of these emotions over the years locked up inside me and refused to let them out.

Everybody seems to think that these feelings indicate weakness, but I don't think that's true anymore. There is obviously a fine line between never trying to be happy and allowing yourself to feel sad when you need to, but I think our emotions make us alive.
Its good to feel things. Even sadness, when we're sad, we should cry and allow ourselves to be sad, but not forever. When we're angry we should scream, when we're happy we should smile and laugh.

The only way you're going to get rid of your negative emotions is by letting them go, but you truly have to let yourself feel them first - keeping them inside you and ignoring them for so long will eventually backfire as they will come out in one big explosion as you keep piling more and more stuff inside you, because your body won't be able to take it anymore.
And once you acknowledge these feelings you have to take the appropriate steps after it - whatever the problem is, you should face it, no matter how frightening and awful, so you can eventually figure out a way to solve it, and say goodbye to it for good.
Our emotions need to be released in order for them to be let go. Next time you feel something you're ashamed of, don't hide from it, don't ignore it - allow yourself to truly bask in it, and feel it.

They do not mean that anything is wrong with you, or what you're feeling is unjustified. They mean that you are real. You are human.
And once you learn to realise that you are not alone, that everybody else has problems too and something they're insecure of, then it will become a lot easier to deal with.

I'm not going to keep things inside anymore. I'm going to learn to deal with my problems face on, and stop being afraid to feel my emotions.

We are all imperfect beings, no one can do everything right and no one has never slipped up in their entire life - and I think once we realise this and come to terms with our own demons, it will become so much simpler to move on.

I'm still determined to keep an optimistic view on life, but I will remind myself that it's ok not to be ok all the time, and to be kind to myself - most importantly, that everything will be ok in the end.

'There is no progress without struggle'

“Accept troubles as an inevitable part of your life, and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all… this too shall pass.”